FALLING INTO WINTER, OR AM I?

I began this (unpublished) post about two months ago with this:

The calendar still says it's fall but the mornings are feeling more
and more like winter. As I walk out the sand feels very cold

and that's it. For two months I haven't been motivated to finish that post.

Motivation is a funny thing. I've still been walking on the beach in the mornings at least once or twice a week, sometimes more. What I was starting to say above is that, as I walk barefoot in the soft, cold sand in the morning shade on the north side of the pier, as I make my way down to the water's edge I get what I call "foot headaches" because the cold really does kind of get in there and feels sharp like pins and needles and it's somewhat painful. Also, I kind of like it. It reminds me that I'm alive and it makes me look even more forward to and excited about the firmer sand at the water's edge and the warmer, soothing coldness of the water itself.

So I still walk, and although it's been much colder now in the mornings I still enjoy it very much. Actually, this past week we've had Santa Ana winds and 80 degree afternoons which has been pretty great. Living in Southern California really is wonderful. In the mornings I've walked the pier again a few times and I see that some of my morning friends have also made their way up there now. I've survived the stress and joys of Christmas and now I'm just relaxing at home with my son on winter break and eating way too many tamales and cookies. I'm ready to get back to eating less and walking more instead of the reverse.

I don't know if it's because of the change in the seasons or the changing seasons of my life, in fact I don't know why it is at all, but my thoughts have taken an unexpected turn lately. It's a good if not exactly sensible, mom-like direction but it's very real and I like it a lot, in much the same way that I like the cold morning sand, although I'm not expecting any firmer sand or soothing water ahead. I doubt I'll ever publish the draft I've been writing about it because it's really, really personal and some might say foolish and/or weird. Anyway, it's all about me and my past and my present and reveals the wild twenty year old who is still alive inside of me. Like, really alive.